Shelly, I Say

Just have your divorced dad 
drive you to Jackson so you 
can take me to his place. Using
a phone card and my friend’s Nokia, 
I say “you’re my ladder to the sun.”
Me outside my dorm, the hair
on my chest trimmed, but not shaved.
Me saying how cruel it would be if
we just went to Hardees and then he took you 
home? My head in your lap on the drive.
We’ll order pizza and watch Eternal 
Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. We’ll 
cry for different reasons. Then go
upstairs to listen to Coldplay, then make out, 
then grind with our clothes still on.
Me going downstairs to get you a banana, 
you showing me your lingerie in
the closet. Me kissing your feet 
before putting on your fuzzy socks.
Me getting mad that you have no plan 
to attend my college. Me pretending to 
sleep the whole way back to avoid 
your dad’s awkward stares. Us kissing
goodbye, you not letting go. Raining outside 
the dorm. Me calling later saying I can’t do 
this. Me not telling you I cried then because of 
how badly I wanted to Eternal Sunshine
you from my Spotless Mind. You crying, me 
not crying.


Accidental

As my brother nodded off at 
the wheel, edging the car 
into the other lane, I was
mesmerized by how every exit 
and its adjunct gas stops are
so monotonous that it isn’t 
fair—I started and grabbed 
the wheel to overcorrect 
and he overcorrected my
correction and we spun across 
two lanes, narrowly missing the 
front of an eighteen-wheeler.
He was only nineteen and could 
tackle you like a rhino, though
his concussions had benched him. 
Man alive did our hearts leap 
from our heaving chests like
field hammers. We all get our 
fortunes and misfortunes handed 
to us. When we were in a
good spot he pulled over so I 
could drive. I loved him too 
much to lose him or grieve him 
by ending up lost. If the earth 
ever ceased on its axis we
would all be so thrown. Our blood 
pumps for a reason, by design 
propelling us to take our course.
I can say now that there are no 
accidents. Though I know there 
is chance. It isn’t only physics
at work. Look at me, look at me, 
we should have died back there.